Lost
by butterfly6
Summary: Its when she turns back to me and smiles dazzlingly that I know I've lost Leah Clearwater. In fact I had for a long time. Leah's wedding day from Sam's POV.


**I have not forgotten about Knocking on Your Door, I absolutely promise. I have every intent of finishing it. However I am without a beta again so it may be a little while. This is unbeta'd so be gentle pretty please, hope you enjoy. PLEASE READ THE A/N AT THE BOTTOM!**

**Disclaimer: I own a ridiculous amount of heels to make up for the height that I don't own…but I don't own Twilight. So sad *sigh***

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><p>The church is packed with familiar faces when the kids, Emily, and I get there. I have to tell the twins to sit and not stand up again twice, and Emily eventually has to hold little Samantha on her lap to make her stay quiet. The church is decorated beautifully in colors of light blue and gold, and it strikes me that its odd. The colors should be lavender and white. That was always what we'd pictured. Alice wonders over and I'm so used to the leeches now being on our territory that it doesn't bother me. What does bother me is how much Alex, Jordan and little Sammie love her. She keeps them occupied at the same time that Bella walks over and strikes up a conversation with Emily. I use this as my cue to slip away for a moment.<p>

I plan on heading outside for a moment, just to catch some fresh air and pull myself together. I'm in a daze at the irony of the situation. I never saw myself here. In truth some pathetic part of me always thought she'd never get married, or even fall in love again and I would have been entirely fine with that. I'm ashamed even thinking that. I go to head out the door, but I'm side tracked by Rachel and Rebecca rushing past me in beautiful light blue brides maid dresses. They disappear into a room off the main hallway of the church. Rebecca pushes the door but it doesn't quite close, its left open a crack and before I know what's happening my feet are leading me toward it. I can't see very much through the crack except flashes of blue and white, and off to the side a figure in soft gold. This I know is Sue. I can't see any of them too well but I can hear them.

"Oh you look so beautiful, sweetheart!"

"Watch her hair when your putting on the veil! Rebecca be careful, we don't want the curls messed up!"

"Here, your nose is a little shiny-"

"Rachel, get that thing away from me, I told you light on the make-up." Her voice is full of laughter but is still firm. She sounds so happy, its been a while since I've heard it that light and care free.

"I should go check on your bouquet," Sue says and heads for the door. She opens it before I have a chance to move and makes a slight noise of surprise when she sees me. Enough to draw the attention of the other three in the room. No one says anything for a moment and I find myself scratching the back of my neck awkwardly.

"I think I'll come check on that bouquet with you Sue," Rachel murmurs and she and Sue leave the room. Rebecca seems a little more hesitant to follow but eventually does. The last occupant of the room looks at me for a moment before turning back to the mirror she's sitting in front of. I look up and down the hallway clueless for a moment before I walk into the room and close the door lightly behind me.

"Hello Sam," she says and the sharp edge that used to grace my name whenever she said it is gone. She sounds genuinely okay with seeing me. Almost so okay that she's indifferent to my presence.

"Hello Leah," I reply back and an awkward moment follows where neither of us say anything. She fiddles with her necklace that I recognize as her mothers and pushes lightly at one of the light blue flowers adorning her hair. She really looks beautiful and I tell her so. She stands up and smiles at me, not the hard cold smile of the past few years but a smile from many years ago. She looks so much younger, no where near 30. She looks so much like the girl I'd fallen in love with that an unexpected wave of melancholy and longing hits me, and I can't help thinking that this is the most inopportune moment for it to happen.

"I'm glad you came," she says smoothing the front of her gown. It's a strapless mermaid gown. Low in the back, with a dangerous v-dip in the front and covered in beautiful beading. It's more daring than what I expected and again it hits me that its wrong. We'd always known we wanted her in a princess style gown.

"Are Emily and the kids here?" I nod a yes as my throat constricts at the skin tight dress. Leah had always had a knack for putting sexy and classy together. She somehow made it beautiful and no where near trashy like it would have looked on some girls. I take a step toward her and again comment on how pretty she looks. She says thank you not quite meeting my eyes.

"Does any of this feel odd to you?" I ask. I can't help it, the question pops out before I can stop it. A strange look crosses her face before she smiles again and shakes her head no.

"I'm happy now Sam, truly happy." I can see it in her eyes. They haven't been that bright in years, and it almost kills me that they're even brighter than then. She's literally glowing with happiness and she's never looked more beautiful. The smile gracing her full lips is so genuine its almost a soccer punch to the gut and I don't know why. Surely I hadn't expected her to pine after me forever? Except I had, I genuinely had and I felt like a complete ass because of it.

"This should have been our day," I can't help commenting again and this time she smiles a little sad. My heart gives a leap of hope that maybe she's realized this too and a part of her wishes it was, but then I catch the pity behind the smile and it surprises me for a moment. It dawns on me how much our roles are reversed as she begins talking.

"It should have, but sometimes you lose things to gain something better right?" We both know it isn't really a question and we both catch what she's saying. She'd lost me but she'd gained something better. _Him_. I want to say he isn't better and I want her to say she wishes it was me she was about to walk down the isle to, me she's going to bind herself to forever. But she doesn't, and even if she had said it she wouldn't have meant it. Its strange suddenly, to realize _I'm _the one longing for the past. _I'm _the one with this look of pain in my eyes at her happiness with someone else. _I'm_ the one being forced to accept that she's moved on and unlike her, I'm not sure how to handle it. Just then a knock sounds on the door and Rebecca's voice is muffled from the other side.

"Leah, its almost time."

"In a minute!" She answers and a smile of excitement graces her face. She turns back to the mirror and gives herself the once over to make sure everything is in place. She doesn't need to because she already looks perfect. Its when she turns back to me and smiles dazzlingly that I know I've lost Leah Clearwater. In fact I had for a long time. Its also at that moment that I realize I never fell out of love with her, not really, my love for Emily was just stronger. No my _imprint_ on Emily was just stronger. But I'd always expected Leah to sit around wanting me forever. I have to ask one more question before she walks through the doors and away from me forever.

"When did you stop hating me Leah?" She had for so long after I broke her heart and yes I deserved it, but I almost wanted it back. Anything was better than the indifferent smile I was getting now.

"I never hated you Sam, I just hated that I still loved you."

"So when did you stop loving me?" She's quiet for a moment, her eyes searching my face. Seeing something I can't.

"When he showed me I shouldn't waste my life pining after someone who broke my heart so badly." She doesn't say it to hurt me, I can tell by the genuine honesty in her voice. She says it simply because it's a fact. She's moved on, and now its me holding onto the past. Rebecca knocks impatiently on the door again and Leah pulls her veil down to hide her face. Even so the veil is sheer enough to show the smile on her face as she walks past me and to the door. She walks away from me and into a new stage of her life. A stage that doesn't involve me in any way, shape, or form. When I follow her out of the room none of them pay me any attention. They're fussing over last minute details and making sure she's holding her bouquet. I head to a side door near where Emily and the kids are and as I walk through it she never looks up at me, even as I'm looking back at her. She's truly moved on from me and its shock and a blow to me all over again. This was never the way things were supposed to end.

I settle into my seat as Rebecca and Rachel start down the isle with Embry and Paul . Emily gives me a puzzled look asking where I was but I simply brush it off, shrugging as my answer. The wedding march starts and even though I've seen her already I'm still blown away by her beauty when she steps through the double doors on Seth's arm. She's smiling radiantly beneath the veil and staring straight ahead. Straight at _him_. They keep eye contact the entire walk and the love between the two is unmistakable. I can see Nessie seated a few chairs ahead of me smiling at them and I'm reminded how strong their love is. He broke his imprint for her, something I hadn't been able to do and I know he's more deserving of her than I ever was. The vows begin and when they both say their 'I do's' its obvious they're in their own world. When they kiss a pang of jealousy so strong hits me that I can feel my hands begin to shake, and I have to breath deeply to calm myself down.

The reception drives the point home more than anything else can. Their first dance is slow and sweet and their eyes never leave each other. Her arms are wrapped tight around his neck and his even tighter around her waist. He says something to make her laugh and I know that I'm not even crossing her mind for a second. I can't help feeling that, that should have been _our_ first dance. Its then that it hits me, truly and _really_ hits me that I've lost Leah Black forever.

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><p><strong>Once again unbeta'd but pretty please review anyway. I need some encouragement to keep up the writing. I have another LeahSam oneshot but it's a little longer and I love it 97264596579 more than I love this one. I **_**really**_** don't want to post it without a beta. Which is why I am now going to beg like a child. If anyone either wants to volunteer or even just suggest a beta please, please, **_**please**_** PM me. I so desperately need one and you'd officially become my most favorite person ever. Anyway enough begging on my part. Please review, they make my day :)**


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